You’re acting defensive…No, I’m not! Managing defensiveness

You’re acting defensive…No, I’m not! Managing defensiveness

Bringing up difficult topics often makes others defensive, especially when we’re asking them to acknowledge negative behavior or change in some way. Worse, their responses often trigger us to feel defensive. This can start a downward spiral that leaves us…

What is the secret to a long marriage?

What is the secret to a long marriage?

I hate that question…a long marriage could mean years of misery. I appreciate that relationships take work and that means a commitment by both partners to stick it out when the going gets tough. But I don’t want an award…

All I want to do is help… so why do I feel so bad?

All I want to do is help… so why do I feel so bad?

Most of us start out helping others because we care. We often try to help because we love the person and don’t want to see them struggling or hurting. Unfortunately, helping doesn’t alway work. Over time, we may feel that…

Just Can’t Let It Go… Ruminating on Conflict

Just Can’t Let It Go… Ruminating on Conflict

Many of us find it hard to let go of conflict situations. We go over and over in our minds how we felt, what we said, what the other person said, what we didn’t say and wish we had, what…

What are your values?  Speaking up starts with knowing what you want!

What are your values? Speaking up starts with knowing what you want!

A line in an old country song goes, “You’ve got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.” If you don’t know what your values are, you’re likely to give in to the whims of those around you instead…

Heart shape tree in lavender meadow for love symbol

How important is kindness to your relationship?

When we are struggling in a relationship, kindness may be the last thing on our mind. Anger, frustration, even sadness may block our ability to access good feelings about our partner. Yet, without feelings of loving kindness toward our partner,…

Closeup microphone in conference room with blur person.

Have the courage to speak up and improve your relationship!

Recently, I was reading an article by Kasey Ferris in the HuffPost where she was talking about the lessons she’d learned from her divorce. This quote really struck me, “Throughout years of my marriage I hesitated to speak my truth. While…