Most of us have been in a situation with a particularly difficult, frustrating person and found ourselves telling a friend, co-worker, or family member all about this jerk! How miserable they make our life, how if they would only change or go away, life would be better.
Read Morerecently read an article about a survey conducted by an international consulting firm that concluded 85% of workers had experienced conflict on the job. My immediate response was that the other 15% were either in denial or had just been hired. I say this because if you are human, you will experience conflict. There is no getting around it.
Read MoreWhen conflict hits it can feel like a crisis urging us to act quickly. That makes sense because adrenaline and other stress hormones flood our body and brain preparing us to take flight or fight. This can lead to heroic acts like lifting a car off a trapped person, but in our daily lives it more often leads to a panic to action that causes all kinds of bad decisions and outcomes.
Read MoreI just returned from presenting "Mediation Mastery" at the Academy for Professional Family Mediators international conference in Denver, Colorado. The focus of the presentation was the importance of reflective practice--taking time while mediating and especially after to consider the positive and potentially negative impact of our presence and interventions for our clients.
Read MoreBoundaries are an important element of any relationship. When we know ourselves, we feel comfortable letting others know what we will and won't put up with. It's not something we have to announce loudly. It is just something that we honor internally and state as fact or act upon when needed.
Read MoreAs an excellent conflict responder (mediator, human resource professional, mental health counselor, attorney, etc.), you are always operating on two levels of awareness. You are aware of what is happening in your environment and you are aware of what is happening inside yourself.
Read MoreWhen thinking about resolving conflict, it is important to take into consideration the physical space. Subtle things like furniture arrangement and the color of walls can impact on the successful outcome of a conflict situation.
Read MoreLast year I set a New Year’s resolution to try something new each month. My first experience was to climb a rock wall. A close, childhood friend, Jude, agreed to share the adventure. Two things surprised me: the amount of trust I had to have in my climbing partner (a.k.a. Belay) and my physical response to the fear of falling from the wall.
Read MoreI was on vacation in Florida enjoying a walk on the beach when I noticed a little boy about three years old. He was holding something in his hand which he had found in the water. “Adam,” he shouted.
Read MoreAs a trainer, particularly of family and divorce mediators, I often receive calls from people who want to become a mediator. What does it take to become a mediator, they ask? That depends... While I would like to give folks a straightforward answer, there is no one path to becoming a mediator.
Read MoreI've heard it more than once from fellow mediators, “I feel bad asking for money.”Some of my colleagues even want to give away their services for free. There is nothing wrong with considering the financial circumstances of a client, or even offering pro bono services to those in need, what I believe is wrong is feeling guilty for asking for payment for a valuable service.
Read MoreWhen I think of the greatest gift a mediator offers to her clients, my mind goes immediately to the incredible opportunity for honest conversation. Creating a space which is safe enough for individuals to open up, to say how they feel, to share from their hearts, is a rare event in our culture.
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